The Way We Judge

Elul 8

Here is one of my favorite stories:

One day, Gandhi was approached by a woman who was deeply concerned that her son ate too much sugar.  “I am worried about his health,” she said.  “He respects you very much.  Would you be willing to tell him about its harmful effects and suggest he stop eating it?”  After reflecting on the request, Gandhi told the woman that he would do as she requested, but asked that she bring her son back in two weeks, no sooner.  In two weeks, when the boy and his mother returned, Gandhi spoke with him and suggested that he stop eating sugar.  When the boy complied with Gandhi’s suggestion, his mother thanked Gandhi extravagantly but asked him why he had insisted on the two-week interval.  “Because,” he replied, “I needed the two weeks to stop eating sugar myself.”

-         told by Al Gore in the compilation Rosh HaShanah Readings ed. by Rabbi Dov Peretz Elkins

Often it is easier to see the flaws in others than to see the flaws within ourselves.  How many times in a week might we catch ourselves pointing out the shortcomings of our partners?  Our children?  Our parents?  Our friends?  As human beings we are constantly making judgments about the world around us – including judgments about others.  During these days of Elul our awareness of how quick we can be to judge is heightened.  A moment of teshuva, of turning, can come when we realize what we are doing, and choose a different path.  When the impulse to criticize or “rehabilitate” others arises, we remind ourselves to instead look within, and do our best to work on those same imperfections within our own characters.  

Is Saying "I'm sorry" enough?

Elul 7

“Don’t say you’re sorry!  Just don’t do it again!”  My father's words from my childhood haunt me still today.  When my siblings or I would do something that would infuriate our father (a frequent occurrence!), he would often refuse to accept our attempts to apologize to him.  “I don’t want to hear you say you’re sorry,” he would say, or scream, depending on the moment.  “I want you to learn from your mistakes, and stop making them!” This was often accompanied by punishments of various sorts, and as you can imagine, we lived in fear of this response, and as a result, we did what we could to avoid his wrath as much as possible.

My father’s angry “wisdom,” such as it was, comes to mind during these days of Elul.  His intention was good, I am certain – he wanted his children to learn and improve our behaviors. There was nothing compassionate about his approach, however. Thankfully, our Jewish tradition suggests a much more compassionate, full and complete path to teshuvah: First, one must admit one’s errors.  Then, one must learn not to repeat the same error if presented with the same opportunity again.  Next, one is to do what is possible to repair the damage or correct the harm done by one’s actions.  This entails going to the person affected by our wrongdoing and asking forgiveness, or if one’s wrongdoing was an affront to God, we must ask God’s forgiveness.  And one must also forgive oneself. 

Saying "I'm sorry" is a great start.  But we need to say it first to ourselves, to others and to God.  And we need to effect change in ourselves that will lead to healthier, more whole lives.  

My father’s method was too harsh, too simplistic, and it ended too early in the process.  He was right, to a degree:  repentance involves learning and changing.  But repentance also involves forgiveness – from the self, from the other, and from God. The gates of forgiveness are always open, of course.

During this month of Elul, may we begin this process of Teshuvah – dedicating ourselves to change, growth and forgiveness.

Rabbi Jim Bennett

Lecha L'cha - Get going from within yourself...

We all know the verses from Genesis in which Abraham is instructed by God to "Lech L'cha," go from here, your land, your birthplace, the home of your parents and go to a land that I will show you.  When Abraham set out on the journey, he also took on great risk.  Ultimately, the "land" that God would show him wasn't just land like ground, but it was also that ability to look within and find trust and guidance.  

Abraham set out on this journey of self-discovery.  Simon Jacobson, in 60 Days: A Spiritual Guide to the High Holidays, writes: 

'Your land' represents the first level of subjectivity - the influence of society, community and peer pressure, which affect us in deep and profound ways.  We all want to be liked and accepted by others, and we adjust our behavior accordingly. 

The 'home of your parents' represents parental include, which can be so subtle that we don't even recognize it.  Often, we don't realize how deeply the attitudes of our parents permeate our own attitudes and behavior, for better and for worse. 

'Your birthplace' represents inherent self-love.  Each person is blinded by his or her selfish interests; no one is immune from that. 

Jacobson is not saying that we must ignore or reject the things that we've learned from our communities, our parents and ourselves - rather the opposite: to become aware of and in tune with these influences is the key to understanding their role in our lives in a conscious way.  

Jacobson suggests: 

Select one significant event of the past day and identify how your reactions and behaviors were shaped by the three levels of subjectivity named above.

We are all searching - for something.  Our searching is sacred, our discoveries are hopeful and healing. Elul is the time to take that sacredness and apply it to our hearts and minds. 

Return Can Mean Repair

Elul 5

This past week’s Torah portion, Shoftim, is filled with a variety of laws and commandments that will help the Israelites create a society imbued with justice. In Deuteronomy chapter 20, verses 5-8 we read that before going to war, the officers of the army must address the troops, saying: 

Who is the man who has built a new home but has not yet lived in it?  Let him return to his home, lest he die in war and another man inhabit his home. 

Who is the man who has planted a vineyard but not yet harvested it?  Let him return to his home, lest he die in war and another harvest it.

Who is the man who has been betrothed to a woman but has not yet married her?  Let him return to his home, lest he die in war and another man take her.  

About these verses, Rabbi Alan Lew has written:  “The idea of all this seems to be that if we leave something incomplete, we fall into the state of mind the rabbis call trafe da’at – a torn mind – a mind pulled in various directions.”

During Elul, this time of introspection, we might be wise to spend some quiet moments contemplating those areas in our lives we feel we have left incomplete.  Is there a kind word that went unspoken?  An apology that could have been made?  A breach that can still be mended?  Are our minds torn over these losses or missed opportunities?  Are we left feeling less than whole?

It may not be too late to try to complete that which has been left undone.  It may not be too late to repair a mind, or a heart, that has been torn.  

Practice the Art of Return

Elul 4

We arrived at the Tel Aviv airport 3 hours early for our 12:40 a.m. flight, only to find ourselves knee deep in fellow travelers, pushing and shoving “Tel Aviv style” to get through the seemingly endless stages of security: check-in, clearance, ticket counter, baggage check, passport control, security, gate control, security…..and finally, with only a few minutes to spare, boarding the plane.  Exhausted, relieved, excited, sweaty, ready to get back home, to return…..

As the plane began to taxi onto the runway, I began to think about what it really means to return.  Five weeks earlier I was on my way to an amazing summer in Israel, studying, connecting, exploring, traveling, returning to a kind of relationship with meaning and faith and ethics that often eludes me in my day to day life.  I was privileged to have the luxury of this kind of study sabbatical – to immerse myself again in ideas and questions and exploration and inquiry.  I had returned to Israel to take this journey into the heart of my faith and peoplehood, to return, again and again. 

Now I have returned, more literally, to the place I call home, where I live, where I have established myself in a community, where I work and play and strive to make meaning each day. 

It is simple, in a way, to return – all one needs to do is make the journey.  Yet, returning is also difficult.  True return, that is.  For when we return, both we and the place to which we return has surely, inevitably changed.  

I came back to a St. Louis where stories had been told without my awareness; babies born, illnesses suffered, joys celebrated, tragedies mourned in my absence.  I, too, have my own stories to tell that are foreign to those I left behind.  We return, changed, different, renewed.

Only God is unchanging.  The Rock, the Truth, the Wellspring from which all things flow, yet never changes.  A source of constancy from which we can draw the strength to bear our own change and the change of the world in which we dwell.

Elul, this month of return, bids us to accept, with peacefulness, the change all around, and to return, again and again, knowing that we return to new moments, new people, new experiences, new selves.

Pray during this Elul, for the strength to return.  To face ourselves as we are now, not as we were then.  To begin again. To believe that every moment is a beginning worth beginning.

Shabbat begins this evening at sundown.  This first shabbat during this month invites us to truly begin to practice returning.  Choose a way to practice returning:

• return to the simple ritual of shabbat - make a moment, an hour, a day, of rest.  light candles, recite the berachot of shabbat, pray, study, meditate, sing, think, rejoice
• go somewhere you enjoy being, where you have not been for a while and think about what it feels like to return
• find something that you need to return to someone or someplace a return it. return a book to the library, an object you borrowed from a friend
• return to a practice or behavior that you have abandoned but wish you had not given up - a musical instrument you once played, a diet you abandoned, an exercise routine you neglect, a hobby you miss
• return to a long neglected friendship and try and renew it by setting a time to talk, or writing a note, or making a date to meet
• read a book again that you remember loving
• listen to a favorite song, watch a favorite movie, go to a favorite restaurant
• return to Temple for a class, a service, a meeting with the clergy, a volunteer experience
• find your own way to practice the art of return

Think about what it means to return.  The month of Elul is a wonderful time to really push ourselves to explore the boundaries of  our lives and where and how we can return.

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Jim Bennett

The Breath of Elul

The Jewish people love to mark time... Our calendar teaches us to - this month, the month of Elul, comes every year, spanning some part of the month of August.  I am always taken aback at how quickly it always seems to come.  Am I a last minute person?  Maybe I am.  I'm always surprised when I pass by a Hallmark store in the mall in April and see Mother's Day cards; or when shopping in the late summer to see clothes that would perfect for autumn while it's still hot out.  

Our calendar during the month of Elul is the tick-tock of our internal clocks reminding us to focus inward - on ourselves and our deeds; on our thoughts and our actions; on our troubles and problems.  Coupled with the beginning of school, this may seem link a daunting task at a terrible time of year. 

But how do we pull ourselves away from the craziness and business of everyday life - especially with all of these really important distractions?  Work, school, home, kids... these are all more than legitimate reasons for us to put off simply... being... breathing... focusing inward. 

I recommend two tactics to help give you the space for youself.  (A common phrase in financial planning courses is to "pay yourself first," as an incentive to save for retirement. I recommend the same, "give yourself space first."

1. Find the time to breathe.  Your breath is a critical part of your ability to relax.  When you are conscious of it, you can control it in such a way that allows maximum oxygenation of your blood.  If you're an iPhone user, try this app: Pranayama.  It will help you regulate your breathing and challenge you to breathe systematically.  Mediate while doing it - it's very relaxing. 
2. Listen to The Magic Mirror.  Amy Camie, harpist, makes available for a fee her CD that uses improvisatory music to inspire relaxation, deep-brain stimulation and healing.  It's proven to increase bloodflow and has been used in cancer treatment.  Amy will be with us during Yom Kippur for a meditation room and Healing service on the afternoon of Yom Kippur. 

Cantor Seth Warner

Traditions of Elul

Elul 2

Yesterday, Rabbi Bennett spoke of the essence of these days of Elul and our High Holy Days.   Teshuva, which is sometimes translated as repentance, but which is more accurately understood to be the process of turning, or returning, is the soul work in which we are to be engaged.  If we take this notion of teshuva seriously, we know that we need more than just 2 days … or 10 days … or even 40 days to do the work that needs to be done to turn away from paths that have been hurtful, and turn back toward a path that can lead us to more meaningful lives. 

Judaism, however, sets aside these 40 days (the 30 days of the Hebrew month of Elul, plus the 10 days of Rosh HaShanah through Yom Kippur) for us, as a community, to begin to focus our efforts on this task.

How do we begin?   We might choose to explore one or more of the daily traditional rituals associated with the month of Elul: 

-        * hearing the shofar blast each morning to wake us up to the preciousness and fragility of our lives (there are a number of apps one can use if you don't have a shofar in your home)

-       *  reciting Psalm 27 each day to remind us that we have no reason to fear this journey of self-discovery and renewal (see below for a copy of the text)

-        * spending some amount of time every day in silent reflection to engage in the process of cheshbon hanefesh, an accounting of our souls.

Are there other rituals or processes that are helpful to you as you prepare for the High Holy Days?  We’d love for you to share them with the community here.

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Psalm 27:  A Psalm of David

God is my light and my salvation; whom should I fear? The Eternal is the stronghold of my life; of whom should I be afraid?
When evildoers approach me to devour me, my own foes and enemies, it is they who stumble and fall.
Though an army encamp against me, my heart would have no fear; though war arise against me, still would I be confident.

One thing I ask of the Holy One; this is what I seek: to dwell in the house of the Eternal all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the One, to frequent God's temple.
God will shelter me in God's pavilion on an evil day, conceal me in the concealment of God's tent, raise me high upon a rock.
Now is my head raised above my enemies round about me; I worship in God's tent with shouts of joy; I sing and chant hymns to the Eternal.

Hear, O God, my voice; I call: have mercy on me, and answer me.
On Your behalf my heart says: “Seek my face!” Your face, O God, I seek.
Do not hide Your face from me; do not turn Your servant away in anger; You are my help. Do not abandon me, do not forsake me, O God of my salvation.
Though my father and mother forsake me, the Eternal will take me in.

Show me, O God, Your way, and lead me on a level path because of my watchful adversaries.
Do not subject me to the will of my foes, for false witnesses have arisen against me, breathing out violence.
Were I not to believe that I would see the goodness of the One in the land of the living….
Hope in the Eternal; be strong and of good courage! O hope in God!